I don't understand Pakistanis.

YES, our leaders are corrupt. Our cricketers, our lawyers, our moguls.

YES, our constitution is a joke. Our amendments, our bills, our LFOs.

YES, we are victims of sectarian violence. Our Punjabis, Sindhis, Baluchis, Bengalis, Muhajirs, Pathans, Siraikis (and I am deeply apologetic if I miss someone out, please don't burn my car).

YES, we've had political turmoil and international chaos since the day we called ourselves Pakistanis. Our Kashmir, our Jihad, our "War on Terror".

YES, we're confused. Our Sunnis and Shias, our ABCDs, our enlightened moderation, our cable channels, our underground discoes and our frontrunning fashion styles.

YES, we are in economic limbo. Our deficits, our NABs, our do-we-nationalize-or-capitalize debates and Karachi being struck by riots regularly.

But I am still confused.

I don't understand why Pakistanis have to go out and do what Agha Javed Pathan did. I don't understand why we cannot be civilized people when someone does something against us. We've become mad beasts with appetites for destruction bigger than Perses himself.

We've been at it for years. Can't we just give a rest? Can't we stop fighting and name-calling and balderdashing each other for ONE MINUTE and think about national interests? I'm talking about every Pakistani - whether in the political arena or not - who has witnessed or been a part of these past 60 years of total and complete havoc.

What is WRONG with us?

The Psychoanlytic Viewpoint on Divorce.

I would have added something myself, my own two cents about whether it's really all that cracked up to be (the explanation) and if I have a theory of my own.

But.

Nah.

I'm too tired, too sleepy, too cognitively wrought and far too much in deep-rooted disregard for Psychoanalysis to add anything more to this article.

Freud's fans, enjoy.

"The Namesake"

I'm not a big fan of Mira Nair as such (I'd choose Deepa Mehta over her any day) but this movie was riveting. Imagine having to check a bundle of reports on cultural diversity (most of which were plagiarized so intelligently that Wikipedia's reference links still showed, subscripted) and watching Kal Penn trying to adjust in the Big Apple. Talk about the grand design. Hah.

Anyway. Good watch. First time I got to saw Kal Penn as a serious actor and it wasn't half bad. Oh and the romantic in me still wanted to see Jacinda Barett til the very end. :)

Laleh Saddigh: celebrating the divide.

Holding strong to the true stereotyped image of the Muslim world in the international media, here is the story of Laleh Saddigh, the 'Iranian Schumacher' and rebel with a cause to celebrate females in Iran.

Whether or not this woman cheated has taken a background in her one-year-ban from racing. What is now highlighted and publicized is Iran's oppressive regime that forces down the voice of millions of women that are MPs, bus conductors and graphic designers. The emphasis continues on how socio-politically deprived the Iranian women are - especially when it comes to legal rights. They are not allowed to travel overseas or even work without the permission of a male relative and prostitutes are executed if they happen to be arrested the third time. The story doesn't end there for Islam, oh no. According to this 'very-Islamic' society, if a woman is found wandering on the streets, people will circulate all sorts of rumors regarding her character.

Interestingly enough, Lalel Saddigh accepts the charges of cheating in the race, she blames it on the system and says that she was forced to do so because the men would not let her be equal to her in the competition. But of course, that is now secondary. What was previously an intra-organizational feud and a matter of rivarly between competitors and perhaps even a regular case of engine-tampering, has turned into a social issue of feminist agenda, which as always, makes Islamic countries look like an ugly cross between Johnny Bravo and Hitler.

The fundamental questions we've got to ask ourselves is whether these allegations of being 'Islamic' are really allegations at all. And to what extent can these countries be really called Islamic? To what measure do they implement Islam in its true meaning - and to what extent do they use it for their own vested interests? Everyone knows, by now, that any system can be manipulated for personal gains, be it Islam, democracy, feminism, socialism, capitalism, whatever. It's not just a matter of the perfection of system that is liable to create an ideal state, but the degree to which individuals interpret it for the benefit of people and well-being of society. The moment we begin to forget that systems are made to benefit people, and not the other way around, the cataclysms will begin to unfold. Islam, as a system, if aims to achieve a society of peace and well-being, would never want women being beaten up by the police for having their headscarves shifted slightly to an angle of 35 degrees. Thanks to all the fading of lines, through nine-eleven, Taliban, the media, the Islamist, the politics of fear, the tendency of humans to make stereotypes faster than they can process information, we are really now turning into one big fat ugly nation.

The blame? Pointless to question or debate about where that's going to go. I guess it doesn't matter whether or not we question the western society of all the drawbacks of their own civilization or the wonders of a so-called democratic (read = imperialist) nation, because our channels and our people don't speak in the same glorious American and British accents - unless they become ABCDs themselves. We can't fight this tidal wave of stereotypes that is currently making the world go round and round, like a big typhoon, and Muslims seem quite at the bottom of it. If they can manage to grab hold of some Amreeki's foot, then they'll probably be allowed the title of second-rate citizens and climb up a little. But that's just about it.

I sound like an angry Islamist myself, now, don't I? But au contraire. I probably am their greatest holy horror. A woman who believes in emancipation of women as strongly as she believes in God, listens to Guns n' Roses, doesn't understand Islamic imperialism, rejects the obsessive ritualism that makes Muslims more afraid of people than they are of God Himself, believes in tolerance rather than lashes and questions most of the current status quos of society, is anything but.

Which is quite the tragedy. (Hah.)

No distinctions between what is what anymore. No telling who's the engine-tamperer and who's the freedom-fighter. Who's the imperialist and who's the democrat? Who's a female-empowered society and where one-in-every-three females is subject to domestic violence everyday.

It is simply mob psychology to accept images on stereotypes. We like to accept ideas more on the magnificent principles of the angelically good and the maliciously bad, when in reality, these extremes are hard to find anywhere at all - except maybe ... in the semi-obselete but classic theory of Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud.

"Race".

I'm just not going to waste any time telling you what a crappy movie this was.

Rife with absolutely needless latkas and jhatkas from the likes of Indian babes, this story had nothing but spin and substance that you could have gotten from any cheap weekend action thriller starring nobodies and somebodies. The hype existed because Saif is in great vogue, Katrina Kaif is of course a great motivator for the other half of the audience and Bipasha Basu fans will probably roll over and die after watching this flick.

I find Akshaye Khanna to be one of the most under-rated actors of the Indian film industry right now, he has time and again proved with his range of roles that he can do more than just be the muscley muppet that the epitome of Indian heroism is supposed to be. He portrays well the character of the obsessive, jealous, conniving brother and Saif, had it not been for his rugged look, would have been paled in his performance.

As far as Saif himself is concerned, everything seems to be working for him these days. He can play a cook, a nincompoop and Iago and still be loved. So let his star shine, but if I had to give him one simple suggestion as a member of his wide audience, I'd ask him to drop the Brando act. Huskiness can only go along till Amitabh in his emotional speeches. Not for business tycoons, who by the way not only own cheap phones (a K750i) but also go out to blow up their enemies on their own (poor darlings don't have any henchmen at all to do their dirty work, the dears!). Anil Kapoor and Sameera Reddy's sloppy fruit-eating humor leaves much to be desired, and I wonder who's really to blame for these stupidities. The audience or the directors?

The story seems ripped off enough, and the direction still has a long way to go before it reaches the summit that directors think they've reached everytime they make movies with big budgets. Thrillers or action-packed flicks don't always have to involve a high-speed chase or women dancing in discoes (although that does seem quite the formula), it can also be as creepy as "The Others" and as riveting as "Sixteen Blocks".

A relatively better film for the Bollywood bunch, but third-rate and just another ordinary pot-holed flick with eye-candy to smooth rough ends.

At the end of 2 hours, you'll be left with sheer gladness, that the 'race' is indeed over.

Insomniacs Inc.

If you ...

• Cannot sleep for more than six hours.
• Have been a night owl for the past 10 years.
• Need to exhaust self extensively so sleep comes, and generally cannot fall asleep without effort.
• Find medications not working.
• Have disturbing dreams and feel crappy all day long because of them.

Then ... join us. We have nothing for you except sympathy. Because everything else has failed.

The Fitna?

Perhaps we are an emotional nation to begin with. Our spirit of Islam is filled with true passion and sacrifice. Perhaps that is why when 9/11 happened, we were ready to go to Jihad for the Mujahideens, when we remember how our own women and children were asked to retrace their footsteps right after partition, at the Afghan border.

Perhaps that is why, at the death of Benazir Bhutto, we saw mass riots, looting, bloodshed, and all was let loose out of Pandora's box. Perhaps that is why, when we want to be good Muslims, we like shedding blood more than we like going to the mosque five times a day, or being good to our wives, or refusing to take and give bribes, or beat our children, or establish tolerance or become better citizens of our nation.

But then again. That's just my point of view.

Regarding the boycotting of all the Danish products, I have a different perspective than the mob behavior that is now being observed in most Muslims. I don't think by not buying Danish butter cookies, Geert Wilders is going to learn anything else apart from reinstating his point of Muslims being emotional old fools who respond angrily in terms of violent defense, instead of some form of dignified dialog and confident arguments on respecting the views and ideas of a nation and abusing the freedom of expression. The real fitna, therefore, is not how the international community misjudges us. The real fitna here is to understand how we, as Muslims, have forgotten what it was like to be a civilized, creative and politically shrewd nation. What we have suddenly turned into, is a big body of angry, furious, flailing hands and feet, with no head. And everytime someone dares to hit a nerve, or cut one of our body parts, another sprouts out, only flailing about here and there again.

It is not new to the Muslims to be misunderstood, ostracized and be brought under the threat of a political propaganda. It happened to the Prophet Muhammad Sallallaho Alayhi Wassall'am during his own time period, he had to face many situations which created opportunities for anti-Muslim sectors to make the most out of a mucky situation. The Qur'an is rife with instances where the opposing groups have tried their best to misconstrue statements about Islam, character of the wives of the Holy Prophet Sallalaho Alayhi Wassall'am, where there has been enough controversy to go around for tribes all over the Arabian peninsula. Yet in all these situations, the solution was not to go to the nearest bread shop and burn the man down. Nowhere did this random, angry, unplanned action come forth from him, where he knew that the dignity of his Ummah would suffer.

What have we, as Muslims, found to be our ultimate MO, our ultimate ammo (no reiteration intended)? A war cry. Everything has to start from there otherwise, we're just not Muslim enough for our so-called religious guardians. How many churches did we burn so that Pope John Paul II apologized? The entire international Muslim forum rose to demand an apology - and it came. But what did we do after the caricature of the Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasalam was made? Go out on streets? Destroy our own markets, destabilize our own economy, burn our own assets, boycotted Telenor and Nestle, who by the way were companies owned by Muslim shareholders in Pakistan, so there again, we lose the point of boycott ...

... ?

And there he is at it again.

Is this how we want to prove we love our religion? By being insane?

It is my plea and my request to the international Muslim community to stop thinking in this highly immature manner. Most of you may find my opinion less-Muslim-than-necessary or far-too-rational (both seem to go hand-in-hand when it comes to categorizing Muslims such as myself), but I must ask every Muslim if this is what Prophet Muhammad Sallallaho alayhi wassalam would have wanted? Would he not have preferred a dialog? A political and socially peaceful attempt to explain the boundaries of respect to those who have forgotten it? Because if this had not been his sunnah ... than he would have agreed to Hazrat Jibrael AS to crush Tai'f into smithereens when he was sent out of the city, after being pelted with stones to the extent that his shoes were filled with his own blood.

Headless lemmings is what we are becoming. We are giving Geert Wilders yet another opportunity to call us idiotic and irrational. And I for one, oppose all boycotting of products. I propose a rational, cohesive and informed action from the media community, from the members of the Muslim community all over the world, especially leaders and figures in power or in some position of influence and authority. I encourage editors, talk-show hosts, media moguls, writers, bloggers, assembly speakers, teachers, corporate executives, (even drug-lords, if need be!) to unite to put together a united and Islamic front. We do not want people to die and suffer just to make a point (after all, does that make us any different from Bush Jr.?) or to show just how angry we are. It is not anger that must drive us, it should be our inherent sense of being Muslim, to show to the world as an example of what kind of nation we are. Our actions will say a lot about who we are as a community and as peoples under a united system of life and experience.

Muslims of the world, unite. You are the followers of peace, harmony and tolerance. Don't let a couple of buzzing insects come in the way of your self-identity.

"Chachu Diyan Chalakiyan".

Punjaagi Totay at their best. Makes you think what a laughingstock Uncle Sam made out of us. Doesn't solve half the problems we have, won't bring back the millions of dead jihadis, and probably doesn't change a single xenocentric aspect of our lives.

But you have to watch this.

You simply have to.

The Idyll of Lunuganga.

Attended a lecture by Dave Robison on a pretty amazing landscape in Sri Lanka, and the history of Geoffrey Bawa, the man behind Lunuganga. Whether or not we actually go there is a different story... but this definitely looks like a nice place to dream about.

The house and gardens at Lunuganga, Bentota, were lovingly created over several decades by the world renowned architect, Geoffrey Bawa, as his vision of a tropical garden idyll. The Italian inspired garden with spectacular views over lakes and tropical jungle together with a simply designed plantation house are one of the lasting legacies of Asia's most famous architect. Guests can now share in Bawa’s vision and can stay in one of 6 en-suite bedrooms available in the house, the studio or on Cinnamon Hill, or rent the whole property in its entirety. It is perhaps the most magical garden retreat in the world. Lunuganga opens each year from 15 November 2006 to 30th April 2007.

The rates, the activities are all given here.

Courtesy: Sri Lanka in Style.

Celebrating April.

In fifth grade, everyone in my class went to the Quaid's maosoleum.

Dad said no.

Then they went for a picnic at the Marina Club.

Dad said no.

In sixth grade, Yasir Akhtar invited me to join his new production team "Pegasus" in which he wanted me to play the lead role of a bubbly twelve year old.

In tenth grade, I was offered to go to an all-Pakistan tour as a correspondent for a Dubai-based magazine and do a write up for Pakistan's landscapes.

In eleventh grade, a study tour of China came up, everyone was going, I was simply asked to hand in my passport, the rest would be taken care of.

In twelfth grade, the chances of a Fulbright scholarship and admission at LUMS came my way.You can guess what Dad said.

I worked with FM 100 as a disc jockey for six months, after which they wanted me to continue my contract, but. Dad disagreed.

In third year, Mrs. Rubina wanted me to go to GC Lahore for an All-Pak debate. Risalpur also was passed up (for one year anyway).

In final year, I put my foot down. I wanted to go to Risalpur.

But it wasn't like I did what some people thought I had the power in me to do. I still gave up the Dawn News position. Didn't even think of going after a year of masters in Canada, didn't even blink when he told me not to go to LUMS, kind of accepted it when he stopped me from working with Sumbul, the designer, the NGO, and decided that it was for my own best, after all, when he didn't want me to go for a more permanent position in the magazine I was working for.

In my final semester of masters, last year, he told me he is not going to agree if I marry an Arayeen.

It was my turn to say no. And I did. And I am blissfully happy.

I recount many times he has said yes to things I wanted. Barbie dowries, Barbie shoes, Barbie's beach house. Public speaking competitions. Writing forums. Lot of the television work that I did was under his supervision and lot of places where I learnt were due to him.

I'm not asking aspirants to start a rebellion. I'm also only half-complaining. I am who I am because of the merge of all these experiences, beneficial or otherwise, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Guess what I'm saying is. That this month marks the fact that I did the right thing.

Because that's what he has taught his daughter to do.